"Bits and Pieces from the Pit"
by Ritchie "The Pit" Steven

With an over flow of news and rumors, the Pit has been getting very crowded of late, and it was time to toss out some of the facts and what better place than the Times to dump news? Anyhow, let's roll...

A big bite from Supersoul's upcoming werewolf franchise picture, Ginger Snaps 4, from co-writers Sydias and Horton.   To cut the budget, they have been shooting on location at Studio Head Sureshot's sister's home in Canada. Did any else know that Sureshot had a sister? I wonder if she is a "sure shot".  Horton has been on set acting as an interpreter for the very strange Canadian dialect, and Sydias has been lurking on set for no good reason.   A few rumors have been going on that Sydias might actually be dating one of the stars of the picture. We all know from past experiences not to date stars of our films, because it never ends well!

"One Hit Wonder" is releasing this Friday, but here is a little known fact for you. Studio Head and the busiest man in HTG Hollywood, MC48, read the Pedro-written adaptation and was floored. He called the lead actors and asked for a personal favor to do this film, and production began the next week on UFI's recently build Drama backlot.   But MC48 wasn't the only one who was impressed with the script. Apparently Pedro's wife had sent the script to her friends in the UK looking for additional funding. MC48 got a call in his office from The Touristry Organization of UK (also known as the TTOOUK), and they actually paid the studio to shoot on location in the UK for the exteriors.   Every old side shot you see is of beautiful London , England.  The film will also be premiering there a week ahead of the Hollywood opening.

PJ Flip is finally writing a film??? I overheard from the office next to mine that he is and that he already has a cast in place and our set builders have already begun production on a huge graveyard set for the film.   Who will be starring in it you ask? I heard the names Jake, Kristen, Dennis, Michael Clark, and Johnny, so until I get confirms on last names, you'll have to try and piece it together yourself.   My brother seems intent on getting the film out by April.

Horton and 21 Century Cat aren't going to be "Alone in the Dark" anymore; their cast has been fully signed and filming has begun on the Forward Motion Picture.   Sam Raimi will be leading Billy Bob Thornton, Cate Blanchett, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Michael Gambon, David Bowie, Tim Robbins, Karl Urban, Maggie Smith, Jon Polito, and Regina Hall in the 1925 New Orleans-set horror flick.

The Film Protectors Return? Baseball Mogul Productions and UFI say "yes"!  While no cast is signed and it's unknown whether any of the original stars will be returning, sources say that the comedy… action… spoof will be rushed through production and will focus on the FPers against Hollywood heavyweight OLIVER STONE!

Traveling back into the fantasy world of Terazen? Heavy Metal, the head of CMC TV, will be cutting into his TV time to bring his epic film back into theaters along with the very capable director Steven Spielberg. The rumored cast includes Vin Diesel, Angelina Jolie, and Leonardo DiCaprio.

TV NEWS!

MY PLUG! I'll be returning along with KrisGreet to bring a new and exciting season of "Downtown" to HTG TV.   Expect some big guest stars including Bruce "Stryker" Campbell and Michael "Connor" Biehn.

Shane Alexander's vampire classic is also returning? I just got off the phone with Shane and he has confirmed that "Edenia" is back!   A half a season at least has been ordered and he will be storming into production for mid-season on CMC TV. He also asked if a certain team of demon hunters would be interested in crossing over... You heard that here first.

"Michael Crichton's Jurassic Park" will be hitting the air waves as an EPIC mini series from MC48 and Rick Arnold.   Three hour episodes for 8 weeks? That's what it looks like from the initial order for talent. Will it turn into a regular series? I hope so!

Sydias joining Pedro for the return to the Buffy universe on FSKessler's network series "The Zeppo"? Rumors have hit the streets saying that the "Ginger Snaps" writer and self proclaimed mega fan of Buffy/Angel will be penning at least 2 episodes.   No official word on that yet.

Ok, well, that is it for this week, but if I keep getting an overflow of news in the Pit, you can expect to see more on the pages of the Times!

"Up, Up and Away!"

By Ritchie 'The Pit' Steven

EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT!

New Work City is over run by crime.  The sinister Odium has been seen fighting our metropolis' greatest hero, Lady Steele.   Will the city fall under evils grip? Or will our fair lady save us?

This is a headline you may or may not be able to read in big budget independent flick, "The Darker Side of Superheroes," that will be hitting screens the end of March. I was lucky enough to get a personal set tour from the writer/producer (Aaron Rowland)'s personal intern, Jake.  

The young freckled-faced lad picked me up at my mansion in downtown Hollywood and drove forever until we pulled up on a closed airport hanger.  "You'd never guess how much money the production saves shooting on the outskirts of HTG Hollywood." He told me with a grin. Of course no matter how much they are saving, he still isn't getting a dime. He continued, "This is like the coolest set ever!"

I stepped into the closed hanger and my eyes widened.  Now I knew exactly where a large portion of the picture's 100 million dollar budget was going… into production design.   Aaron's team of builders have reconstructed the cityscape and rooftops of New York City to a T in this football field sized building. The backdrop was painted precisely to match the city that never sleeps at night.  

One of the more unique buildings was an older-styled building with an out of commission water tower on it. Engineers were setting lights through the walls and floor to create an almost noir feeling to the scene they will be shooting in a couple weeks. A scene that I am going to take a leap and guess is crucial to the flick.

The intern handed me an umbrella and told me to get it up quickly. As I did it began to rain over us, slowly at first and then a thunder storm worthy weather effect moments later. The lights on the building began striking moments after the thunder, bring an eerily lighting into the mix.

My anticipation for Aaron's returning flick shot up the roof and I needed to find out more about it. Anything about it. And as I left I got just that, the now useful intern gave me a letter from Aaron. It was a note and a small mock up for a teaser poster. The Note read: "Sorry I couldn't give you the tour personally, I'm in NY signing my talent. Here's the lead…"

INTERVIEW: Rick Arnold's Firefly
by Sydias

I had heard that Rick Arnold was going to bring Firefly back to life, and I just had to be there for the interview. I met the man at his house, and we sat in his spatious living room to discuss his project for television.

Syd: Ok, the first and most important of the questions. Why Firefly?

RA: Well, I fell in love with the series, after Night Traveler got me hooked on it last year, and it just seemed like a natural choice for me to attempt a TV show with.

Syd: Are you keeping the mix of humor, action, and drama that is the style of Joss Whedon and all of the rest of his crew at Mutant Enemy?

RA: I'd love to be able to write on their level, but I'd be happy to just come close to it. Although I do think I've nailed the perfect mix of the elements that makes Firefly great.

Syd: Why DO you hate Simon?

RA: Why does anyone hate Simon? I guess it may have to stem from his pompous attitude... And Jayne hates Simon, and if Jayne hates him, he must be worth hating.

Syd: If you were Jayne, which sexy co-star would you try to claim as yours?

RA: Oooo a tough one... I'd be a tough choice between the ship's whor -- err -- Inara (Morena Baccarin) or Kaylee (Jewel Staite)...

Syd: If you were Mal, would you let Jayne be in your crew?

RA: No... Definately not. Absolutely not. More then likely not. At the very least, I wouldn't leave him in charge -- unarmed.

Syd: Have you chosen directors for your episodes? If so, can we hope to see Joss Whedon himself among the list? Maybe even Tim Minear?

RA: Joss Whedon will definately be making an appearance in the director's chair at one point. I'd love for Minear to show up as well, but time will tell.

Syd: What (other than this and Jurassic Park) do you have in store for us within the next year?

RA: I have several film projects lined up for later this year. Yes.

$$ Easy Money $$

MBroderick Hits It Big At the First Annual HTG Comic Con

By

Johnson Carter

            Well, true believers, the first annual HTG Comic Con has come and gone. Many of the HTG faithful have come away from the convention with some wonderful insights into many highly anticipated upcoming films, not to mention some truly unique merchandise. One man, however, came away with a whole lot more. The Comic Con lottery drawing grand prize of two hundred and thirteen million dollars was awarded to none other than Channel One network head hauncho, Mbroderick. The humble jackpot winner took time from his busy schedule to answer some questions about his substantial prize, his plans for the money, and future and current projects.

<Johnson>       First off, the Times readers really want to know: How does it feel to be the big winner?

<mbroderick>  Well, I mean it’s been great. It's also a bit embarrassing, just because I feel somewhat like I don’t deserve it.

<Johnson>       Why would you say that?

<mbroderick>  Well I mean there’s all the people that contributed so much to the Comic      Con, with all the tables and the organizing and all of that. I just did an interview and bought some tickets.

<Johnson>       Have you given any thought to what you might want to do with the money?

<mbroderick>  I’ll probably buy a few franchises and eat at restaurants more often. If people need loans, I can probably help them out now for awhile. Probably some casino spins as well.

<Johnson>       Any projects in particular that you are considering financing?

<mbroderick>  JG (Jgraham) has been saving up for quite some time for something and I’ll probably help him out a bit… shouldn’t go into too much detail on that.

<Johnson>                What projects are you currently undertaking in HTG? What have you been

up to?

<mbroderick>  I’m running Channel One network for TV, writing some episodes for Matt Fowler’s series, and then my next movie is probably going to be an adaptation of the election satire "Why Not Me?" by Al Franken, which, I suppose, I could finance myself…now.

<Johnson>       Some might say that Al Franken is a polarizing, even controversial figure, especially in America’s current conservative climate. What attracted you to take on an adaptation of his?

<mbroderick>  I love Franken’s stuff. He's a great satirist, and I generally agree with his

                        politics, but "Why Not Me?" is fictional and its not really partisan. It’s a parody of elections and politicians in general. It’s also very absurdist and strange at parts, and that’s kind of my thing.

<Johnson>       Any Channel One projects you’d like to discuss and/or plug?

<mbroderick>  Marlowe's got a fun show called Dead Heat, based on the 1980s movie. Teufel is doing The Good, The Bad and The Harmer which should be hilarious. Jgraham is doing a 1950s boxing drama. Matt Fowler is doing a high school comedy, and I’ll be writing some episodes of that. Bryan Bishop is working on a very big franchise project that I won’t reveal here.

Review – "Just Like Clockwork: Making the Watchmen"

by ninjalibrarian

If you're looking for the inside scoop on what it was really like to make the "Watchmen," then you are s*** out of luck.  "Just Like Clockwork" is a deft combination of mockumentary, "Airplane" spoof, and Monty Python sketch that takes the best and the worst of behind-the-scenes clichés and mines them for comedy gold.  For the most part, the film follows Justin Graham and Brandon Taylor in their efforts to bring "Watchmen" to the big screen.  There are subplots that don't involve the producing duo, but the film is at its best when it follows these two as they navigate the murky waters of Hollyweird.

As with all mockumentaries, there are many inside jokes.  Some so inside that this reviewer had no idea what they were talking about.  It doesn't happen often, but the writers should be careful not to make inside jokes too obscure, lest they risk alienating their audience.

I'm still not sure how I feel about the bits that spoof "West Side Story."  While each of the scenes is hysterical in themselves, they tend to bring the film to a grinding halt.  I wish the writers had left it to just the first scene (which is absolute spoof perfection) or had started earlier and kept it up throughout.  As it is now, these scenes are awkward non sequiturs.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention Mark Chua, who is a comic standout in his scenes, and his use of the English language is priceless.

Whether it's being funny, crazy, silly, or sweet, "Just Like Clockwork" draws you in and keeps you interested as well as entertained for a brisk 98 minutes.  Run, don't walk, to see this film!  Opening January 20.

87/100

The Event of the Year
by Ninjalibrarian

After a small stutter this past summer, the first HTG Comic Con is finally underway!  Comic Con will be running all week at the HTG Coliseum with plenty of things to do for everyone.
 
First and foremost are the film booths and tables where you can sneak a peek at upcoming productions, buy film-related merchandise, and listen to each film's panel answer questions about their movies.  Your typical range of comic con type film fare is on display from the obvious comic book-themed films (Daredevil: The Devil You Know, Superman, Green Lantern, Watchmen, Judge Dredd) to Horror (Derwent, Ginger Snaps: Full Circle) to Sci Fi (Firefly, The Prisoner, projects from producer Hand).  Animation would have been another contender but the recent announcement of The Grim Fandango delay resulted in those folks being unfortunately absent.
 
Those with money to burn not only have merchandise available at film tables, but also a fully stocked Gift Shop with cool movie posters and stills, as well as comic books and toys for sale.  And don't forget to purchase a raffle ticket (or 2 or 3) for a chance to win the end-of-event jackpot.
 
If you have more sewing ability than money, there is also a costume contest going on with a nice cash prize for the winner.

HTG Comic Con

THE LAST MOVIE EVER MADE
review by Justin Graham

I hate writing. Why? Because it's impossible, for the most part, to come up with a semi-decent concept. It's either too sensationalist, too generic, or not marketable enough. And more often than not, writers spend most of their time trolling the dank, dark pits of their brains to pluck out a plum idea. Or raiding historical texts.

What drew me to 'The Last Movie Ever Made' is the fact that it has a quality idea. Post apocalyptic movies aren't exactly a rarity, but, like every other genre, the good ones are a dime a dozen. This film's premise is so refreshingly original that it had to be good. Or at least a worthy exercise.

Unfortunately, 'The Last Movie Ever Made' is an exercise in schmaltz and drama free drama. The central characters aren't compelling, the situation isn't interesting, and there are few overarching themes that the movie takes the time to explore beyond the (most excellent) hook: What would you consider to be the most important of your possessions and what would you be willing to risk it for? It's an intriguing proposition, and one that is handled thoughtfully. But outside of that, there is little else that one would find compelling. As the saying goes, 'Movies are just like everyday life, just with the boring bits cut out.' Too many of said boring bits remain in 'Last Movie,' making it a drag to get through. It doesn't provoke too many other deep thoughts, and a last ditch effort to string together the third act with a possible love triangle ultimately goes nowhere. The film ends up being a lot of unrealized potential.

The film revolves around the folks in a community called Safehaven, who dwell in a manmade system of caves after Earth's apocalypse (which referenced several times, but never explained, qualifying it as a McGuffin). Isolated from any other community, the populace is nonetheless content with their lot. They're alive, and they have each other. It's all very huggable.

Then a travelling band of entertainers shows up on their doorstep. Led by the enigmatic Barker, the group is in possession of the last movie ever made. The film was never released, so the citizens old enough to remember their pre-apocalyptic lifestyle have never seen it. Barker agrees to show it to them, but for a price: what he deems to be the most valuable commodity in the community. The citizens are flustered, but are desperate to escape the drudgery of their grind-it-down lifestyle, and finally agree to the deal. But what will Barker take? What does he consider the most important thing of all?

The movie takes all the saccharine sweetness of 'Seventh Heaven,' multiplies it like rabbits, and then channels it into this film. Compared to the anarchic lifestyle one would consider to be prevalent in such a lifestyle (and the one that is indeed most presented in post-apocalyptic films), Safehaven is a utopia. Everybody gets along, a fair democratic regime is in place, the men are hardworking, the women are honest and loving, and everybody gets along. The central characters are most representative of that idea. None of them have a temper, attitude, psychological problems, or anything that makes them the least bit interesting. Everybody is a mouthpiece for smoothly written, grammatically correct dialog. And the 'perfect-ness' of the world really begins to wear thin once you realize that nothing of any interest is going to happen.

The performances are solid, given the minimalist roles provided. The dialog, as previously mentioned, is smooth and the entire script is perfectly formatted and edited. Despite the whole enterprise looking ace, the script lacked any real interest to string audience members along. It's a laudable effort, but a weak one; lacking any pulse, overt themes and tension, 'Last Movie' is a drama free drama. You're not going to miss much if you decide to stay home.

50/100

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Review by Hand

Outline: After Earth is demolished, two humans and two aliens go in search of a mythical planet.

This review doesn't contain any spoilers. I say this because a large proportion of Western Civilisation™ knows them all already. Everyone knows the story behind '42', who designed Norway, why that bowl of petunias thought "oh no, not again", and the significance of a particular summer game the English and Australian public go wild over. Also the West Indies, whom we continuously trounce due to our awesome awesomeness.

The plot to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, or H2G2 as some call it, doesn't need to be repeated (like I said, everyone knows it already), but in the tiny possibility of someone not knowing, as well as an excuse to further pad this review out and be funny at the same time, I'll go over it anyway. Arthur Dent loves tea, likes his house the way it is, and would really hate for it to be destroyed, which is exactly what the man driving the large yellow bulldozer would really love. Fortunately for Dent, whether his house is destroyed or not doesn't matter, as the planet it's built on has also been slated for the wrecking ball. Enter his best friend, who's really an alien from near Betelgeuse (though misspelt in the script), Ford Prefect, who offers a solution in the form of escape.

The problem with adapting a story as comedy-packed as H2G2 is that you don't know what to cut out, or what to keep in. The material is all worth keeping in, but for the sake of pacing, there are pieces you have to let go. It's here where the film fails, which is a terrible thing because the source material is so fantastic. It keeps too much at the start, finishes too abruptly, and 87 minutes doesn't do the late Douglas Adams justice. Arthur and Ford arrive on the Heart of Gold halfway through the film, but that's when the fun's really supposed to begin.

The RL film rendition of H2G2 was criticised for the extra plotlines which padded down the original story, and the rewriting that took some of the book's charm away. But facts are facts; you can't turn a book into a film word-for-word. I should know; I'm turning a book I wrote into a screenplay, and cutting bits out is hell. I liked the real film; it was a decent translation that kept the feel of the original while making it work for the big screen. This film was only decent, but I reached the end feeling as though I'd only seen half of what Zero was able to put in, and that was disappointing.

Still, I got a lot of laughs out of it, and it's clear a lot of effort went into transcribing the second-funniest novel in the English language, but some careful editing was needed to pull it off, and while there is evidence that did take place, it wasn't enough.

Overall: Despite shoddy pacing, you can't not watch this film and break into a grin more gigantic than Gigantis the Fire Monster, which is saying a lot as he's a giant monster on fire. Not as pleasing as I'd hoped, but a damn good try anyway.

 65/100

Splinter Cell 3

Review by Hand

In A Nutshell: An anti-terrorist group becomes entangled in the machinations of two power-hungry villains.

Bishop's latest foray onto the silver screen was a pleasant change from the comatose-inducing attempts at adrenaline overload that Hollywood prefers to call "action movies". Yes, all the staples of action movies were here; ticking bombs, disfigured villains, dramatic patriotism, double-crossings galore, and a lot of sneaking around in dark places while bad guys with guns hunt them. But this film does these things well, mostly.

I've never played any of the Splinter Cell games, or read the books by Tom Clancy. This film made me want to, which is more than I could ever say of *cough*True Crime*cough* other films based on video games (besides maybe Super Mario Brothers, which everyone tries their hardest to forget). The story revolves around Sam Fisher, a member of the NSA's secret Third Echelon division. He works with several other agents, or "splinter cells", to prevent war by preserving truth, justice and the American Way™. Mostly, this involves killing, defusing, punchlining, and wearing really neat goggles.

The story this time around (given the "3", I'm assuming this is a second sequel) revolves around an African warlord (Michael Clarke Duncan, because he's large and scary and sounds like Darth Vader without even trying) and a cripple (a suitably creepy Edward Norton) plotting to knock out the United States with the deadliest computer virus since the last deadly computer virus showed up to ravage deadliness upon our computers. What they hope to gain from this I will not reveal, but is surprisingly sneaky in its surprising sneakiness. Couple this with closer-to-home villain Harvey Keitel in a particularly nasty role, and Sam and Co. have their work cut out for them.

Casting may or may not have been spot-on. Like I said, I'm a Splinter Cell virgin. Still, most of the characters felt right, though some of the other splinter cells (especially Hugh Jackman) felt one-dimensional, and the parts including Fisher's wife (Daryl Hannah) bordered on cliché. And not the good kind of cliché.

Unfortunately, the main failing point is the script format. Namely, there isn't one. This made me stop more than several times to check if the scene had changed or not, and confused me as to what was dialogue and what was action. Fixing this up and redistributing would probably be in the studio's best interests, as more people will likely go see it if they know what's going on.

Still, this was a minor problem I was able to get through, and I was rewarded with an action film that sits up there with True Lies and Mission: Impossible, a movie that keeps you smiling without aiming for the lowest common denominator.

Overall: Plenty of action, and my brain didn't feel insulted afterwards. Ads were very swish, and besides the format and a few spelling errors, this could be a case study of polished film-making.

80/100

THE LAST MOVIE EVER MADE
Review by Hand

In A Nutshell: A post-apocalyptic township gets the opportunity to see you-know-what, but at what price?

Post-apocalyptic films often feature scenery shot in Coober Pedy, evil leather-clad psychopaths trying to take over what’s left of the world, everyone fighting over fuel (the atomic wars destroyed all bicycles, you see), and if you’re particularly unlucky, Kevin Costner pretending to be Jesus. Marlowe’s film fortunately has none of these things, but it’s what the film does have that makes it worth watching. This was his first Film Mogul film, released in 2003 and setting up a career marked with success (and Saving William Shatner 3, but let’s focus on the success).

As already mentioned, this film is set in the future, and a post-apocalyptic one at that. We never find out why humanity took this turn for the worse, because that’s not what the story’s about. The story concerns a theme not often touched upon in a film such as this: What is valuable, and what are we willing to lose? This is the question that drives the plot, and while a very worthy question for a character in a film to ask, it’s a question that perhaps could have used a lighter touch. But this is only a minor setback, and didn’t disrupt my enjoyment of the film.

Safehaven is a township within a series of large caves, to avoid the scorching heat from the aforementioned Judgement Day, circa The Future. While isolated (Terry O’Quinn’s character mentions a period of several months since their last visitors), the townsfolk are happy with their lot in life, especially happy is couple James and Emma (Russell Crowe and Cate Blanchett, respectively). And then along comes a caravan, bringing with it the plot, and a film.

The vaudevillian head of the caravan (Brad Pitt) is in possession of The Sky Goddess, apparently the last movie produced and filmed before Doomsday turned Hollywood into Madmaxville. He also has projection equipment, and citing the drudgery of everyday life, offers the people of Safehaven the chance to view the film at a price. The price is that which he considers to be the most valuable, but he does not say what this thing will be. The town leaders agree to the proposal, and the number one thought on everyone’s mind becomes “what does this man consider valuable?” as the projector’s solar panels charge and the caravan mingles.

Marlowe touched a nerve on this one. After all, we all have possessions. We value some above others. I, for example, value my Jeff Wayne’s Musical Version of the War of the Worlds album more than I do my half-dead cactus attached to a ceramic iguana. But what does Pitt’s enigma of a man value? What will he take away from the township? Will the cost of this grand film (which we never learn much about, but that’s alright) be too high for Safehaven to afford? Viewers connect with the characters as they worry over that they have to lose, especially James, whose fear of loss is greater than most (though the nature of what he fears losing, I will not reveal), and smile at what is gained.

Unfortunately, there are parts where the writing stumbles. Serena (Eliza Dushku) needs to be toned down; her romance with Josh (a fantastic yet subdued Jake Gyllenhaal) felt forced, and while not as bad as George “my love for you is like a lovely river of loving, love” Lucas’ attempts at injecting emotion into his characters, Serena at times had cringe-worthy dialogue in her wooing. Not that I’m complaining; Dushku is “shagadelic” and we all enjoy that kind of scenery, but her interest could have been more subtle, and the romance would have been more natural.

However, taking into account all the hits this film has, I’m willing to let that point slip by, but only just. This film was well-crafted, and Marlowe should be applauded for his work. If he could manage this quality in all his films, he’d be the HTG equivalent of James L. Brooks.

Overall: The Last Movie Ever Made was a very satisfying film. It was the first Film Mogul film to break the $200M barrier, and it’s easy to see why. With any luck, its success will be repeated here, for this is one of the better films I’ve seen, and watching it was time well-spent.

85/100